Oh sleeping pills...

I only now just realized how very terrible of a title that is.. Any person just skimming through titles would think very bad things of me XD

But honestly, I hate the sleeping pills I take. When I was in the hospital, and I first took them, I would pass out around 10 if I took them at 9:30. I'd be out, like NOTHING could wake me up. Someone could punch me in the face and I'd just lay there having the greatest sleep of life. But I wake up around 7-8 feeling soo drowsy. I told my psychiatrist (sp?) that the sleeping medication was to strong and asked if I could get a lower dose of it. He said, "Oh just take it earlier." and I was like, "Kay. If i take it earlier, I'll wake up earlier, feeling the same way. Taking it earlier isn't going to fix this. A lower dose will."

Because really, the pills were to strong to begin with. I understand they should help you fall asleep and stay asleep, but they shouldn't knock me the fuck out I mean come on! My doctor was supposidly a pill pusher though, so I wasn't surprised when he gave me those. Plus I was apparently on bipolar medication without even being told. I just know the nurse kept giving me pills, and was never told what any of them were. My mom didn't even know what I was taking. Actually she didn't even know I was taking pills until I told her 3 days into my stay at the hospital. I was the one who had to ask wtf they were. I was really shocked that they actually did that. I mean if you're going to medicate me I think (considering I'm 18, well I was 17 at the time) you should at least tell me what it is you're medicating me with.

(Long story short, I was in the hopsital for self-harm and risk of suicide. I got put in this program for kids struggling with depression and anxiety I think. It was a horrible program but whatever),

I don't take any anti-depresents now, because the way I see it, how am I suppose to deal with my depression when I'm medicated? When I'm using drugs to make my problem seem unexistant how am I suppose to help myself? I mean sure, medication is good for when you're physically injured, but when it has to do with mental illness how is medication helping that? That's just the way I see it though. Honestly, I think I've done fine without it. I've learned how to help myself cope with bad days and how to really appreciate good ones.

Anyway, I think that's enough about that. Hope this was enjoyable for you xD

~ Sascha